Friday, December 16, 2011

Day 33 - That Bald Thing

I realize I haven't written much about the bald girl part of bald girl running. It's not for lack of wanting to, because it is a pretty important part of the blog and my life. I find that I often don't know exactly how to talk about it. I am naturally inclined to humor; it's how I deal with serious stuff a lot of the time. I'm thoughtful about things, but I try to avoid making my life more dramatic than it needs to be or really is. I can only be serious for so long before I have to throw some levity in the mix. But I don't ever want to sound insensitive or as if I'm making light of something that is really a big deal.

Losing your hair is really hard. It's an incredibly stressful time, whether you know it or not. What I mean by that is this: I didn't realize how stressful it was until it was all over. While I was living it (for 11 months, from Sept. 2010 - August 2011), it was life, and I tried to ignore it. Now that I'm on the other side, with all of my hair gone, I realize how much time the process of losing my hair stole from me. Or maybe how much time I let it steal from me.

I was always thinking about it. There was hair everywhere, all the time. It was hard to ignore the receding hairline and forehead that was quickly become a fivehead, then a six head, and so on. Even my dramatic comb-over was failing to cover things by late April. I transitioned to wide sashes, purchased on Etsy, and then to scarves that completely covered my head. Then there were the questions: Will it stop? Will it all go? What's making this happen again? Why now? And, of course, what do people think?

Some of these questions are moot now, like will it stop and will it all go. Others don't have answers that I can know, like what's making this happen and why now? And that last pesky one, well, I can be content knowing that it doesn't really matter what they think. Shortly after it all fell out, the questions of when will it come back and will it come back lingered nagged. That's not a question I ask anymore, though.

For now, I'm bald. But I'm also healthy and blessed and grateful. And I'm still Leslie, just with a shinier head.

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